It can be considered as one of our family traditions for lent. From the time I can remember as a kid and even before I was able to grasp what is happening around me, I was there for the holy week. I get to know them by looking at analogue photographs and some are already fading out since they are more than two decades old. As I heard, even before I was born and and when my mom was a kid, they went there. When there was no vehicle at that period of time, they used bullock carts. Hence I see this as a family tradition. But I miss that this time. I am unable to go there. Now it has been declared as a national shrine(Thalawila, Sri Lanka). I wish all of them to find time to get closer to Lord.
Sometimes I wish I have the belief of my father. It is not a shame for me to admit that I am not that strong. To believe in Almighty's providence. I know we did not have any savings. But we were never short of anything. It is true that even though there were plenty of opportunities to get every possible luxurious comforts given the background. Sometimes I was frustrated. What the hell I can not be such rich or something. But when I look back and see on this Holy Thursday, my dad is right. I heard when I was small the saying.. "seek ye first his righteousness and then all these things shall be added unto to you..." . It is no shame to admit that sometimes I was hoping that from the righteousness of my father, Lord will grant me this and that. I also wasn't a lost one though. But I was not thinking enough and spending enough time with Lord to call him my best friend. I always wanted to say that but never tried hard enough. I may have thinking of taking that for granted.
It is absolutely wondrous how Jesus works through my life, our lives. I remember when I was there at Thalawila for the holy week last year, I desperately asked from Jesus one thing. I know or I might know asking and getting is not the relationship we want to have with Jesus. I asked him, Lord please let me be somewhere next year studying for my dreams I had from many years and that I may not be here for the next year. And I believe now he has listened to my prayers and I am not there this year. How I came here after all is also a miracle like thing. I do not want to talk about it now. Yet I was not having a good relationship with him for a while.
Suddenly for the
last couple of weeks, I was hopeless for some reasons. And I said to Fr. also that I want to have a good relationship with Jesus and I think it was not happening. I was forgetting that whatever happens, he is there for me. But I was not searching for him. I was thinking, oh he is there and it is alright. I do not know how this happened, and I was thinking about him for the past couple of days. May be I was missing the holy week back at home but most importantly I am getting into the right way.
Accidentally it happened to me to watch Passion of the Christ these days. It reminded me how Jesus is there for me. And I was wondering how great his personality is. I do not know how to explain. I wish this will not be instant feeling. As I look back, I had these periodic changes in my life. When I was somewhat distant from Jesus, somehow he brings me in. Am I that worthy Lord??? I do not know. When you are close to him, there is a feeling yes, he is with me. A different kind of joy. The challenge is to keep it going and continue. He gives us enormous opportunities to make use of them to come to him. But I am busy with other work. But at least, I should try. How wonderful it will be when you have a true friend by your side who really cares about you. When you feel I have nothing to worry, he will take care of me. Whether it is good or bad, it is alright. I think my dad has this feeling. But I do not. But I want to. I want to Lord......
(this article may not be well written as I did not attempt to do so. I just wrote what came into my mind after coming home today from the church (Holy Thursday) )
